Friday, January 21, 2011

I'm Back

How I've Been Feeling Lately
(AKA The Scream by Edvard Munch)
Sorry it's been a little while since my last post ... ok, maybe a little more than a little while ... and while technically I did say from the start that I didn't know how often I'd be posting on here, I did not want to go this long without writing.  I have had a few reasons for staying away, but they're just not good enough ... so I'm back.  Please, allow me to explain:

Reason #1: I'm still sick.  The upper respiratory thing that knocked me out through the holidays hasn't fully gone away.  But if it didn't keep me from writing then (once I regained consciousness and the ability to sit upright),  it sounds more like an excuse than a valid reason to keep me away now.

Reason #2: I'm tired and hurting.  I mentioned a while ago that I'd been dealing with a bunch of medical issues for the past few years.  Though things have gotten a lot better over the last several months, some of the symptoms have been coming back over the past few weeks.  On top of the pain & exhaustion, I kinda got a bit freaked out over that ... and the stress of freaking out only made things worse, so I was even more exhausted, both physically and emotionally.  That's when I wrote my last post.  Still - the plan was to take it easy for the weekend, not to stop doing what makes me (and hopefully you, too) happy.

Reason #3: I have been really stressed out & frustrated lately.  On the one hand, that's all the more reason for me to write - it can be a cathartic experience, a real stress reliever.  Quite often, in the process of talking or writing about our problems, we can actually figure out solutions.  At a minimum, we can get some of the drama out of our heads and onto the paper, where we can literally put it away ... for a little while, at least.  On the other hand, I didn't want to get too specific about what was (is) going on, since you never know who might be reading.  Besides, I promised back in the beginning that I'd keep this blog positive, and I intend to keep my word.  I wanted to wait until I was able to focus on the silver lining, rather than write about the cloudy funk that I was in.  I'm not quite out of the funk yet, but today the ridiculousness of it all reached a new level.  Today, I laughed about it.  I had to.  So then I decided: if I can laugh, I can write.

Like I said, I'm not fully out of the funk yet.  I'm still in the middle of the tornado that's frustrating me so much, so I don't want to blog about that until it's all over.  But there is still a lot of good in my life.  So here's a list of things that have helped get me through the past couple of weeks (in no particular order):

1. Bikram Yoga.  This has been both a mental and a physical therapy for me.  The heat & stretching feel so good on my sore muscles, and the fact that I'm working out again is good for both mind and body.  The bonus - I've gone to the classes with someone I adore, so that added love and laughter to the experience.  Unfortunately it's too expensive for me to do on a regular basis, but the one week special was well worth it!

2. My friends and family.  Both online and in person, there are a few people who have really been there for me lately.  They have listened to my problems, encouraged me to keep going, given me good advice, and made me laugh.  I am truly lucky to have so many great people in my life.

3. Making a decision, and taking the first step(s) to act on that decision.  I know I've got a long road ahead of me, but at least I'm in the car now.  More specifically, I'm in the driver's seat.  I'm taking control.  So while it may be a while until I reach my destination, and I may be asking "are we there yet" several times along the way, the fact that I'm on my way is definitely a good thing.

4. The Jets.  I'm super-excited that my team is in the playoffs.  I'm even more excited that we beat our biggest rivals to stay in the running, and are now just one game away from the Super Bowl.  But the best thing is how inspirational this team has been.  Yes, they've had problems, both on and off the field ... but as Jets Running Back LaDainian Tomlinson said after one game, "no one believed in us; we believed in ourselves."  This team has what it takes to succeed, and we could all do well to have a bit of that faith in ourselves.

5. My Boots.  I hate the snow and the cold, but at least this awful weather means I get to  wear my boots every day.  They are so much more than a fashion statement, and I really need that boost right now.

I was talking (ok, fb messaging) with a good friend the other day, and told her about reason #3 that I hadn't written.  I think it was her response that inspired this post, so I'll share part of it with you:

You know, Kerry...you don't always HAVE to be positive. Honesty is just as good. :D No one expects you to try to find the positive in everything. We all get down and we just have to work through it...negativity and all. ♥

So here I am.  Not entirely positive, but entirely honest.  I'm still down, but I am working through it.

** If you like what you read, tell a friend!  Actually, tell me too - post a comment below!!  If you don't ... well ... I'm all for honesty, but please be gentle!