Sunday, January 30, 2011

Half-Tox Report

I can be my own worst enemy.

I told you I'd keep you posted about my next step, but I haven't really had anything to say.  I'm now halfway through my 10-day detox, and honestly, I feel ... fine.  I haven't had the headaches, nausea & weakness that they say is expected during the most food-restrictive days (well, I get them already, but they didn't get any worse lol).  I haven't really been hungry, as I can still eat food (very specifically limited food, but it's not like I'm fasting).  Surprisingly, it hasn't really been hard.  I've gone out to eat with friends, and chosen the organic split pea soup and fruit while they had pasta and cookies.  And I'm drinking tea, which is nowhere near as satisfying as coffee, but it still hits the spot.

So the weird thing is that while this is actually a good thing, in a funk I found a way to make it negative.  Though I'm sticking to this thing 100%, I actually started thinking that since I wasn't feeling as bad as they say I might along the way, I probably wouldn't feel as good as they say I should after I'm done.  So while some people may have difficulty sticking with a program like this when it gets too tough, I actually thought about quitting because it wasn't tough enough.

The thing is, I know it's not really about this.  Like I said when I started, this detox was a way for me to take control - both of my health and my life.  The first 5 days, I was feeling great about doing this.  I was also feeling good about other things that were in the works for other changes in my life.  But then I had a setback  in another area when things did not go the way I was hoping.  So in being bummed about that, I've turned that negativity towards everything else.  If that didn't go as well as I wanted, then this wouldn't either, so why bother with the next 5 days? 

But I'm not giving up that easily.

I had a setback, but I'm still here.  And I'm still taking the steps I need to take to make things happen.  This detox is both literal and metaphorical for me: it's a mental and physical house-cleaning of sorts.  Things may not always happen the way I want them to, but I still believe that even when things don't work out, there is a reason for it.  I cannot control everything, but I can control my own attitude and how I handle things.

I can be my own worst enemy.  Or I can believe in myself, know that I deserve good things, and keep going.  I choose the latter.

** If you like what you read, tell a friend!  Actually, tell me too - post a comment below!!  If you don't ... well ... I'm all for honesty, but please be gentle!