Friday, December 7, 2012

I Figured it Out

It's been like forever since I last posted ... basically, because I felt like I didn't have anything else to say.  The last time I wrote here, it was to give an update on my health situation.  I was hoping that with a diagnosis and new treatment, I'd get back to my old self, and be able to write about how great life can be ... how we can all find the strength to get through the rough times, how there's always a silver lining, and how we can embrace change to become the buttahflies we're truly meant to be.

Unfortunately, I'm still struggling.  Since my last post, the doc has added another diagnosis (fibromyalgia in addition to the autoimmune arthritis), and she says it'll probably develop into something else later.  I'm up to 17 pills a day, one injection a week, and an infusion ever month ... and I'm still in pain every day.  Still exhausted all the time, and still nauseous more often than not.  I move in slow motion in the morning, and I'm lucky if I can move at all by the evening.  I have to avoid the sun at all costs, and I have difficulty breathing in the cold.  I've got to take extra precautions to avoid getting sick because my compromised immune system can't fight any infection.  I can only have minimal alcohol and caffeine, and I can't even get any more piercings or tattoos to make myself feel better!

To put it simply, this sucks.  

I've had my share of pity parties since this all started.  I've screamed, I've cried, and I've sulked alone in my room.  Like most people struggling with chronic illness have done at some point, I've tried to figure out why.  Why me?  Why did I get stuck with this awful disease that (won't kill me but) has no cure, and will only get worse as time goes on?  Well, I think I've finally figured it out.