Saturday, May 28, 2011

Never Say Never

I'll never do that again. We've all said it ... we may have even meant it at the time ... and we all had our reasons.  But then ... well ... life happens, and there we are again.  Right where we said we'd never be, doing what we said we'd never do.  But this time it's different.

This time, I'm not referring to the typical never again scenario.  I didn't get drunk last night, so I'm not sitting with a hangover swearing off alcohol.  I didn't eat so much that I made myself sick.  I didn't get an awful haircut or fall while trying to do a crazy skateboard stunt. 

No ... this time it's more complicated than that.  When I did it before, I thought it was a good thing ... and a lot of good did come out of it ... but then things changed, and as it turned out it wasn't really so good for me to continue.  (Remember, it's ok to quit when something's not right for you anymore.)  And then things changed again ... quite a few times, actually. So now perhaps things have come full circle, and I ended up back there again.

Almost 10 years to the day after the first time I did it, I walked into a Weight Watchers center this morning.  The first time I did that, it changed me in so many ways.  Sure, I lost a ton of weight (70lbs!), but beyond that it really helped me to grow as a person, to change my thought process, my priorities, and my sense of self.  It gave me a new identity: that's when I first became the Buttahfly.  

Over the years, though, the food choices I learned to make came back to haunt me.  I had health problems and started gaining weight again, which led to more problems, which led to more weight, which led to ... well, you get the idea.  After dozens of doctors, tests, procedures, and medications, there was one thing that made a big difference: nature.  I started "alternative" natural therapies, and learned to eat more natural foods and take natural supplements.  And when I did, an amazing thing happened - I started feeling better.  My pains decreased, my energy increased, and as a bonus, I started losing weight again.  I realized that while WW had worked miracles on my self-esteem, it also taught me to rely on artificial processed crap to get skinny.  And I declared that I could never go back to that again.

But once again, life happened.  My situation has changed yet again, and some of those alternatives are no longer available to me.  I've been stressed, I've been suffering, and I just haven't been taking care of myself like I need to.  I knew I needed to do something different, do something for myself.  I had to choose me again, and make myself and my health a priority in my life, both physically and mentally.

I've thought about going back to WW for a while now, but had just as good a reason not to go.  I wanted to get back to the meetings, the support, the continual reminders of what's really important.  But I couldn't go back to artificial sweeteners and processed chemical meals that toxify my system and deplete my energy.  I've heard that the new program is different, that it really encourages healthier choices (I can have a banana now!).  I am hoping that's the case, and that I'll be able to combine the best of what I've learned at various stages in my life to create a newer, healthier me.

So here I am, cautiously optimistic and ready to take better care of myself.  I never thought I'd go back, but then again there was a time when I never thought I'd leave in the first place.  I guess that's why they say you should never say never!

**If you like what you read, tell a friend.  In fact, tell me too - post a comment below!!  If not, well, I'm all for honesty, but please be gentle!