Saturday, March 5, 2011

Mixed Emotions


That's kinda how I've been feeling the past few days. I think that's fairly common whenever we make big changes in our lives, but it still gets to me a little bit.  

When we finally reach the point that we decide it's time to move on, we know how very necessary that move is. We know all the reasons why we have to get out of the current situation, and we know how much better off we will be when we enter the new one. We are excited about the new endeavor, and relieved to not have to deal with the stress of the old one any longer.  

Whew!  

Yes!  

Aahhh ... 

But ... but ... 

Huh?

There is no question: this is a positive thing. It's a great move, a great opportunity to do great things for an even greater cause. It's getting out of a stressful situation that was negatively impacting both my mood and my health. It's closer to home, making my commute easier, quicker, and much more comfortable. It's working towards something I've been passionate about for years. As one friend commented when she read the news on Facebook, "Well, it's about time.  This is the job you were born to do."  And really, I can't wait to get started.

Still, the last few days at the old place have been ... weird.  My news has been met with so many different responses.  From the popular "take me with you" to the comical "no, I won't allow it," most people seemed to be sad to see me go but happy for me in general. Some added to my own feelings of guilt when they asked "what am I going to do without you?" while others said absolutely nothing at all.  Some said more without words than they ever could have said with them (both positive and negative).

To make things even more surreal, there's the idea that my departure wasn't exactly final. Our running joke at the job (a wellness center) is taken from that old commercial: "I'm not only the hair club president; I'm also a client." So while I want and need a clean break from the job, I'm not willing to sacrifice my health by taking a clean break as a patient. With that, everything changes (or doesn't): goodbye isn't really goodbye. I've left but I'm not really gone.

This complex situation leaves me without a sense of closure, which can be both positive and negative.  I still get to see the people I care about, and those who care about me.  On the flip side, I may occasionally run into those who made me want to leave in the first place (I won't let them get to me, though: as they say, happiness is the best revenge, so I'll just let them see how happy I am). I'm a little worried about how the change in treatment (frequency) may affect my health, but we're all aware of the situation and will work together to keep me healthy.

I think it's important to recognize and appreciate all of the different emotions I'm feeling right now.  It's natural to feel sad about closing a door and happy about opening another.  When they happen at the same time, it's understandable to feel those extremes, and a whole lot more. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm relieved. I'm at peace. I'm ... ready ... for whatever happens next!

** If you like what you read, tell a friend!  Actually, tell me too - post a comment below!!  If you don't ... well ... I'm all for honesty, but please be gentle!