I'm not sure what made this story come to mind as the first thing for me to post, but I guess it's as good a way to start as any. When I was a kid, my grandmother and I didn't always see eye to eye (as an adult, we don't see each other at all, but that's another story for another day). Anyway, I'm not here to speak ill of her, just to talk about a particular battle we once had, that has always stayed with me.
Though I grew up idolizing Madonna in the 80s, I was never a Material Girl. I didn't care about designer labels, fancy clothes, expensive jewelry ... and I still don't. Over the years, my hair has been long, short, curly, straight, and a bunch of different colors ... but it always had to be easy. And I've had a love/hate relationship with makeup that has fluctuated as much as my weight ... and my self esteem.
I don't remember how old I was (must've been around 13-15), but my grandmother used to tell me I should wear more makeup. I don't think I was specifically opposed to the idea, but I guess I just didn't want to bother with it every day. But then she said something that was meant to encourage me to take her advice; at the time it really pissed me off (and it still does 20+ years later), but at varying points in my life, I realize I listened.
What she said was, "powder and paint makes a lady what she ain't."
The multitude of messages ingrained in that simple sentence can be so damaging to a young girl. Even if the words weren't original, their meaning cut deep. This materialistic and superficial woman was telling me that I wasn't good enough as is, and that I needed to appear to be something else ... someone else ... someone who was better than me. What would make me "better" was not doing good deeds, studying hard, being honest, loyal, or reliable. No. According to her, my worth would be determined by how I looked, not who I was.
At the time, my response was "but I don't want to be 'what I ain't' ... I want to be me." Looking back, that was pretty profound. I can't imagine how much easier life would have been if I'd actually maintained that confidence through my adolescence.
Hell, how much easier would life be if we could have that level of confidence as adults?
**Note - to those who know her, this is obviously not Gram. No question which side of the family I take after!
If you like what you read, tell a friend! Actually, tell me too - post a comment below!! If not, well ... I'm all for honesty, but please be gentle!
