I
have always been a positive person. I’m an
eternal optimist, always holding on to hope, always looking to focus on the
silver lining no matter how cloudy life gets.
Sometimes I put pressure on myself to keep that up – partly because I
just prefer it to being sad, partly because I feel like a hypocrite when I don’t,
and partly as a matter of self-preservation.
Even (or especially) since illness has become such a big part of my
life, I find reasons to keep my smile, things to be grateful for daily. I feel like I'm supposed to say I’m lucky, it’s not that bad for me …
not compared to the others.
When
I was finally diagnosed (after 8 years of trying to figure out what was wrong),
I googled Sarcoidosis and the first
thing that came up was the Bernie Mac Foundation: started by his wife after he
DIED from this disease. I haven’t died,
so I’m lucky, - it’s not that bad.
In
the online groups I frequent, I see post after post about people hospitalized
due to their illness. I haven’t been
hospitalized, so I’m lucky – it’s not that bad.
At events I’ve attended, I’ve met people who must travel with
portable oxygen tanks. I haven’t
required oxygen, so I’m lucky – it’s not that bad.
A
friend of mine was misdiagnosed with lung cancer and treated with toxic
chemotherapy for years before being correctly diagnosed with sarcoidosis. I haven’t been misd- … well, I haven’t
been misdiagnosed with cancer (RA, Lupus, Psoriatic Arthritis,
Still’s Disease, and Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease, but not cancer),
and I’ve only had low-dose
chemotherapy treatment, so I’m lucky – it’s not that bad.
I
feel like I’m expected to say that I’m lucky because it’s not as bad as it
could be, or as bad as it is for some others: I haven’t died or come close to
dying from my illnesses. But is that really the standard we should use for “luck”? Yes, I’m grateful to be alive … but lucky?